


late goodbye

by Red (S_Hylor)



Category: Marvel Ultimates
Genre: Developing Relationship, Emotionally Repressed, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Post Cataclysm, Temporary Character Death, and more permanent character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:07:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22735327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/S_Hylor/pseuds/Red
Summary: If he'd known, there's a lot of things he would have said. But he hadn't known. And now it's too late.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 13
Kudos: 51





	late goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Tiếng Việt available: [Late goodbye | Lời từ biệt muộn màng](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23140249) by [Stony1111](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stony1111/pseuds/Stony1111)



There had been a lot of moments in Tony’s life when he thought that was going to be the end of him. Between the brain tumours and the drinking, becoming Iron Man, he’d gotten used to the idea that any day could be his last. For most part he tried to live his life to the fullest, to make the most of every moment. 

And he did. He couldn’t say his life was boring, or empty. He filled it with expensive things and beautiful people, even if they were temporary. Distractions. 

Then the Ultimates had happened, and he’d found a team. As dysfunctional as they were. As little as they seemed to like each other on the best days. They were still there, in his life, constant. 

There had been Natasha. For a few moments he’d even thought that it was real, that she loved him as much as he loved her. Except she hadn’t. She’d made that clear when she’d shot Jarvis and attempted to kill him. Part of him knew it was too good to be true. Maybe that’s why he’d had that failsafe. 

Maybe he’d just forgotten how to trust people. 

Then there had been Steve. Steve was his friend, as much as his teammate. They got along as well as anyone on the Ultimates seemed to get along. Steve gave him more time than most, even if most of it was spent glaring reproachfully at him. It was something at least. 

He can’t remember the exact circumstances of how things between them changed. It seemed one day everything was normal, with Steve watching him throw up because of his cancer meds, and the next they were swapping handjobs after a team meeting. 

After that it was post mission blowjobs. 

Then Steve was there in his bed at night and gone in the morning. 

They didn’t label it. 

Tony wasn’t even sure if there was anything too label. It might have been that they were simply two men who were lonely and horny. Steve wasn’t the type to talk about his feelings. Not that Tony dared to suspect Steve actually had feelings for him. Even with the way Steve’s fingers would linger in his hair, or the brush of lips against his shoulder he’d feel when Steve left the bed after he thought Tony was asleep. 

He didn’t dare talk about his feelings either. He tried to convey them by offering Steve gifts in lieu of affection. Tried to convey it every time he kissed Steve, or fucked him. He wanted Steve to know that he cared, that he loved him, as a friend, as more if it was allowed. 

He never said it though. 

He should have. 

He would have. 

If he’d known. 

But he hadn’t. Time moved on. Steve left the Ultimates. Even then they still saw each other. There were still nights when he went to bed with Steve there and woke up without him. Still nights when he tried to press  _ I love yous _ into Steve skin with every touch and every kiss. When he allowed himself to imagine Steve was saying it back with every small noise he couldn’t hold in.

He should have said it. Should have opened his mouth and said those words, then maybe that last night Steve wouldn’t have left. Maybe he could have woken up in bed beside Steve before he lost everything. 

Before Quicksilver had pulled Anthony out of his head. Before Reed had killed him. Before he’d used the infinity gems to rebuild himself. 

Before he was standing on a stage, in front of an oversized image of Steve’s face and trying to think of words to say that could even begin to encompass everything he felt. 

They’d lost so much. Too many. Trying to stop Galactus. That losing Steve hurt more than any of the others was telling. 

Tony tried to make the most of his life. Tried to make every moment count. 

Except he hadn’t. He’d let Steve die without ever telling him how he felt. If he could go back, he knows he would. But he can’t. 

He can’t change the fact that he never said  _ I love you.  _ Or  _ I need you. _ Or even just  _ stay. _ He always thought he’d have more time to. Another chance. 

That last time—he hadn’t even known it was their last time. He hadn’t known he should have said goodbye. Instead he’d pretended to be asleep so Steve would kiss his shoulder and run his fingers through his hair, and he’d let Steve walk away.

He can’t change that. 

And now? Now saying  _ goodbye  _ is too late. 


End file.
